How did I know she was “the one”?

My eldest granddaughter called me a few weeks ago out of the blue with a great question….

How did I know my wife was “the one” way back when. (Granddaughter graduates high school this year)

She’s not currently in a relationship with anyone serious, but wanted to ask a few people in her life that have been together with their mates for a long time that question.

How cool is that?

Nobody has ever asked me that question before, and it gave me pause.

Here is the letter I am sending her….

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 Dear A,                                                                                                                    10/14/2023

 You said you wanted to ask the people in your life, who have been with their mate for a long time, the question, how did I know she was the one?

That is a great question. 

Nobody has ever asked me that before….

When I told your mom I was thinking about this question, she said, she and your dads answer was, both of them had dated enough of the wrong people, that when they finally did meet each other, they knew….

I can relate to that.

 M was the first girl I officially went out on a date with.  She was not the last.    We went out once when I was a sophomore, and not again until a year after I graduated high school.  During the interim, I can’t tell you how many, but guessing at least a dozen girls.  Nothing serious, but enough to know I was sick of the mind games that went with this thing called “dating”

In hindsight, I would scrap the idea of dating, and focus on friendships, and spend time with people with common interests.  There is way too much pressure to put your best foot forward with the “dating” model, and it takes a while before you get to really know the real person.   

I can’t stress enough just how important compatibility has turned out to be in our relationship.  Much of this compatibility was not even on my radar during that time of my life. Just the fact that someone liked me was enough to get my attention. (I grew up very shy/ and did not have a clue when it came to relationships initially)

I knew M was “the one” early on in once we did start spending more time together as adults.  I had a “nesting urge” early on. I knew I  wasn’t interested in the party scene, after a couple of years.  I know it sounds old fashioned, but I just wanted to settle down and build a life together.  It was hard wired into me, no other way to explain how it felt….then as we started hanging out, more and more,  (after all those earlier frustrating dating experiences) I saw that M didn’t do mind games. She was genuine.  I was attracted to that quality in her.  She wasn’t a big partyer, she wasn’t materialistic, and she wasn’t all vain and hung up on image, she didn’t talk bad about others…yep, there were no red flags. (Don’t ignore red flags. It will come back to bite you) She told me later, she’d made a list of qualities she wanted in a mate, (hard working, sense of humor, attractive, (and I’m thinking a few more) I didn’t know anything about the list, but she said I had them all.  So maybe that would be another suggestion…make your list of what you’re looking for….so that’s two thing…don’t ignore red flags, make a list, and finally, don’t settle.  Don’t just settle for someone you think you could live with….  Marry someone whom you think you can’t imagine not living with the rest of your life. 

And PS,  people change, we all change, as we get older.   That’s part of the journey…I am definitely not the same person I was when I was 19, and neither is M. 

Thank you so much for asking me to give some thought on this most important issue.

Love you, the Papa

Deeper Diving

Photo compliments of Google

If you follow me along on my farm blog, this post is a duplicate of it. 🙂

I have realized for quite a while now, I have been self censoring myself when I blog.

Short story.

It really came into focus last New Years. We were with another couple we’ve known for years. (Early 1980’s at least.) The four of us went to see a musician on New Years eve in Manchester. We only get together with this couple (I’ll call them Ken and Diane) once every great while, so we had a lot to catch up on.

On the ride home, the conversation had turned to current events, I was really curious to see where Ken was at. He has always struck me as very grounded. He does have a wicked sense of humor, but in business and his personal life, he is so normal.

You can learn a lot when you keep your mouth shut and ask lots of questions. I realized at some point, (from my perspective) Ken had been listening to some things on line that I found incredulous. Even he admitted some of the things seemed a little far out there, but some of it he was convinced was true. The conversation left me slightly unsettled and unnerving. If Ken could get get sucked into something I felt was complete nonsense, then anyone (including myself) is vulnerable.

++++++++++++++++++++++

I enjoy interacting with each and everyone of you.

That is a fact.

I have multiple reasons for blogging.

Getting to know people I would have otherwise never have met is high on the list. My readers come from a wide variety of places. Liberal, conservative, male, female. People living in big cities, small towns , out in the sticks. Young, older. It is a fun mix. The downside to that, is I am very intentional about not rocking anybodies boat.

I have no desire to “vent.” Personally tend to skip over those type of blog posts.

I do on the other hand long to interact with some of you about topics that may be more volatile (they don’t have to be) but the way things are on the internet, in a public forum, no way am I going to go there.

So I keep my thoughts to myself. All the while wishing there was a place to ask questions without someone thinking I have a screw loose, or verbally attack me for just asking an honest question, or having a slightly different opinion that someone else.

So I am thinking about creating another blog, a private blog where it is OK to ask questions. Where I don’t have to self sensor. And if nothing else, there is a foundation of mutual respect. I’m thinking I would throw this out there to those of you who are regular readers. Let me know if you’re interested. I will be in touch and send you a link . (I will send it to the e-mail attached to your comments)