Siblings

I am the eldest of four.

Last night we had a spur of the moment get together with 3 of us to celebrate my little sisters birthday.

The past two or even three years have brought new challenges to several of us. (Navigating the challenges of failing parents, breast cancer are two biggies that come to mind)

These pressures have drawn the four of us together in a deeper way and I can see some of that new closeness in a picture that was taken last night…

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Wanting to post this because I know it’s been a while since I’ve written anything (on any of my blogs).

Between my day job, (wrapping up a $500,000 addition, and putting together the numbers on a new project,, medical trip(s), part time teaching gig(s) and the seasonal stuff that goes with a very small apple orchard, my blog posting has tapered off to a trickle. Not to mention, my writing muse has all but flown the coop. I’m sure she’ll be back, but in the mean time, I felt the urge to write. Wanted those of you that have been a regular part of my life for several years to know I am still very much in the land of the living.

Thinking about you all. DM

I love people who….

Saw this last night and thought of you, especially the making me think part.

Bullying

I need to tell you about something that happened last week when I was at the local lumberyard….

As I was standing at the counter, another customer (Mike) was heading out the door, he turns and says to me, “Doug, have you ever seen Gina smile?”

(Gina also works behind the counter at the lumberyard, she was doing something on the computer as this guy walked past her).

A couple of things went through my mind.

It’s hard enough dealing with the public all day, why does Mike feel he can make crap out of Gina just for sport?

I could tell Gina was trying to ignore Mike, so I did what comes naturally for me, I spoke up in her defense. “Well, she smiles at me.”

There was dead silence at the counter.

One thousand one

One thousand two

One thousand three…

A not so nice comeback popped into my mind after Mike had left the room.

I knew I should keep my mouth shut, but then it just tumbled out…..

“Maybe because you’re an A#$h@#%.”

I glanced over @ Gina. She had a smirk

“You took the words right out of my mouth” she said.

I told Gina and the other girl at the counter the back story….Mike had pulled that same stunt on me 50 years ago. I’d forgotten all about it, until just then. This was before I knew him very well. Fifty years ago, Mike’s shop was across the street from my dad’s shop. I still remember the feelings of Mike making crap out of me for no reason in front of several other men. I didn’t know what to do with it at the time. I learned a valuable lesson that day. Don’t trust him. He could be smooth and friendly one minute, and a snake the next.

Remember that scene from A Christmas story where Ralphie looses it on the bully?

Apparently there is still a little pocket of unprocessed rage deep down in my soul.

How did I know she was “the one”?

My eldest granddaughter called me a few weeks ago out of the blue with a great question….

How did I know my wife was “the one” way back when. (Granddaughter graduates high school this year)

She’s not currently in a relationship with anyone serious, but wanted to ask a few people in her life that have been together with their mates for a long time that question.

How cool is that?

Nobody has ever asked me that question before, and it gave me pause.

Here is the letter I am sending her….

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 Dear A,                                                                                                                    10/14/2023

 You said you wanted to ask the people in your life, who have been with their mate for a long time, the question, how did I know she was the one?

That is a great question. 

Nobody has ever asked me that before….

When I told your mom I was thinking about this question, she said, she and your dads answer was, both of them had dated enough of the wrong people, that when they finally did meet each other, they knew….

I can relate to that.

 M was the first girl I officially went out on a date with.  She was not the last.    We went out once when I was a sophomore, and not again until a year after I graduated high school.  During the interim, I can’t tell you how many, but guessing at least a dozen girls.  Nothing serious, but enough to know I was sick of the mind games that went with this thing called “dating”

In hindsight, I would scrap the idea of dating, and focus on friendships, and spend time with people with common interests.  There is way too much pressure to put your best foot forward with the “dating” model, and it takes a while before you get to really know the real person.   

I can’t stress enough just how important compatibility has turned out to be in our relationship.  Much of this compatibility was not even on my radar during that time of my life. Just the fact that someone liked me was enough to get my attention. (I grew up very shy/ and did not have a clue when it came to relationships initially)

I knew M was “the one” early on in once we did start spending more time together as adults.  I had a “nesting urge” early on. I knew I  wasn’t interested in the party scene, after a couple of years.  I know it sounds old fashioned, but I just wanted to settle down and build a life together.  It was hard wired into me, no other way to explain how it felt….then as we started hanging out, more and more,  (after all those earlier frustrating dating experiences) I saw that M didn’t do mind games. She was genuine.  I was attracted to that quality in her.  She wasn’t a big partyer, she wasn’t materialistic, and she wasn’t all vain and hung up on image, she didn’t talk bad about others…yep, there were no red flags. (Don’t ignore red flags. It will come back to bite you) She told me later, she’d made a list of qualities she wanted in a mate, (hard working, sense of humor, attractive, (and I’m thinking a few more) I didn’t know anything about the list, but she said I had them all.  So maybe that would be another suggestion…make your list of what you’re looking for….so that’s two thing…don’t ignore red flags, make a list, and finally, don’t settle.  Don’t just settle for someone you think you could live with….  Marry someone whom you think you can’t imagine not living with the rest of your life. 

And PS,  people change, we all change, as we get older.   That’s part of the journey…I am definitely not the same person I was when I was 19, and neither is M. 

Thank you so much for asking me to give some thought on this most important issue.

Love you, the Papa

Here’s looking @ you kid….

Last Thursday night, we went to a girls high school basketball game.

My wife played basketball when she was in high school, so this is one of those random activities we both enjoy.

My wife playing basketball in high school. To this day, she can whip my butt @ a game of CAT

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I was sitting in the top row of bleachers when Ms Johnson, the now retired, but former principle when our kids were in school came into the gym.

Keep in mind, the gym is pretty much packed. I’m guessing she knows 75% of the people in that side of the bleacher. Anyway, she looks up in my direction and waves. I was pretty sure she was not waving at me, but not 100% so I waved back. Ten seconds later she has walked up to where I am sitting….”It is good to see you.” she says. ” How are your kids?”

We talked for a couple of minutes,and that was it.

The conversation touched me. Out of all of those hundreds of people, she’d made a special point to acknowledge us.

The next day, I did a little more digging, come to find out, really, the only child she’d had much interaction with was our youngest. He and I work together, so he was telling me stories from his time under Ms Johnon. Some of them I’d never heard before. Let’s just say, he was in her office more than once, and it wasn’t to be rewarded. There was one incident where she’d had him in the office after something particularly naughty, made him call me on the phone while sitting in her office. (on the speaker phone).

After he confessed to me, the transgression, I agreed to deal with him (and whatever it was) when he got home.

I’m old school. If you got into trouble at school, you were really in trouble when you got home.

When she and I were talking on the bleachers that night she looked me in the eye, and said, she really misses the kids, but the rest of the stuff, not so much.

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I know this is really random, but that was the 2nd time recently where someone randomly acknowledged me out of the blue. I guess I’m not quite the invisible person I think I am.

Deeper Diving

Photo compliments of Google

If you follow me along on my farm blog, this post is a duplicate of it. 🙂

I have realized for quite a while now, I have been self censoring myself when I blog.

Short story.

It really came into focus last New Years. We were with another couple we’ve known for years. (Early 1980’s at least.) The four of us went to see a musician on New Years eve in Manchester. We only get together with this couple (I’ll call them Ken and Diane) once every great while, so we had a lot to catch up on.

On the ride home, the conversation had turned to current events, I was really curious to see where Ken was at. He has always struck me as very grounded. He does have a wicked sense of humor, but in business and his personal life, he is so normal.

You can learn a lot when you keep your mouth shut and ask lots of questions. I realized at some point, (from my perspective) Ken had been listening to some things on line that I found incredulous. Even he admitted some of the things seemed a little far out there, but some of it he was convinced was true. The conversation left me slightly unsettled and unnerving. If Ken could get get sucked into something I felt was complete nonsense, then anyone (including myself) is vulnerable.

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I enjoy interacting with each and everyone of you.

That is a fact.

I have multiple reasons for blogging.

Getting to know people I would have otherwise never have met is high on the list. My readers come from a wide variety of places. Liberal, conservative, male, female. People living in big cities, small towns , out in the sticks. Young, older. It is a fun mix. The downside to that, is I am very intentional about not rocking anybodies boat.

I have no desire to “vent.” Personally tend to skip over those type of blog posts.

I do on the other hand long to interact with some of you about topics that may be more volatile (they don’t have to be) but the way things are on the internet, in a public forum, no way am I going to go there.

So I keep my thoughts to myself. All the while wishing there was a place to ask questions without someone thinking I have a screw loose, or verbally attack me for just asking an honest question, or having a slightly different opinion that someone else.

So I am thinking about creating another blog, a private blog where it is OK to ask questions. Where I don’t have to self sensor. And if nothing else, there is a foundation of mutual respect. I’m thinking I would throw this out there to those of you who are regular readers. Let me know if you’re interested. I will be in touch and send you a link . (I will send it to the e-mail attached to your comments)

For the love of work

Our work load was light coming into winter, so the son and I decided to sign up for a 3 week gig at a local fundraising company helping to pack fruit.

I wasn’t 100% sure what I was getting myself into, except for a few details. Mom used to work on the line 30 years ago. She said it was fast paced, it only lasted three weeks and she loved it.

Second thing I’d heard was they were always looking for guys to do the heavy lifting.

I’ve been there 5 days now and here’s what I’ve found out so far….

It is fast paced.

Very fast paced.

Reminds me a lot of when I was a young boy growing up on the farm, in the haymow stacking bales. The 50 pound bales of hay would come off the elevator, and my brother and I would do our best to keep up, stacking, one after another. I have a thing for stacking bales in a tidy orderly way. Must be a mental condition. 😉 . I always enjoyed the challenge of being able to keep up with the elevator. …

Back to the fruit packing gig….

There are 2 of us responsible for keeping 8 ladies supplied with boxes of fruit….Grapefruit, oranges, apples, green and red pears.

The fruit come in 35 to 40 pound cases.

Let’s go with 35 pounds just for fun. I am at the building for a solid 7 hours. We take a 30 minute lunch and two 15 minute breaks, leaving me with 6 hours of nonstop motion. I would guesstimate I handed between 3 and 4 cases of fruit every minute I am on the clock. In addition to lifting cases of fruit, I am also responsible for breaking down the empty boxes and lids.

The temperature in the warehouse is (I’m guessing) 40 to 45 degrees. I’ve broken a sweat in the first hour every day.

6 hours X 60 minutes = 360 minutes of “exercise”

360 x 3 boxes per minute = 1080 boxes handled (at a bare minimum).

1080 x 35 pounds = 37800 pounds

37800 divided by 2000 = 18.9 ton of fruit. Per day.

Keep in mind I am rounding down. It could be 3.5 boxes per minute, and some of them are 40 pounds each. putting that total weight up to 47,250 pounds or 23.625 ton.

Per day.

I know. Hard to believe it myself.

Only things I’ve noticed physically so far is I’m a little stiffer than normal first thing in the morning, and ready for bed a little earlier. Other than that I still feel great.

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My wife told me last night she’s noticed a difference in my countenance this past week when I get home. She said I look more relaxed. Here’s what’s interesting. I love my regular job as a carpenter. I enjoy going to work 90% of the time. Not quite sure what to attribute the difference in my countenance that she’s picking up, other than maybe that same flushed euphoric feeling I would get when I used to work in the haymow in 110 degree temperature to prove to myself I could do the job and do it well.

Why do people do other physical acts of endurance, like run a marathon, or climb a mountain?

The guy in charge of gathering up the broken down boxes whispered to me, “Do you know they have 4 young guys on line one, doing what just two of you are doing on your line? … and you’re keeping up.. Someone said maybe they should send one of the 4 over to your line, but decided they needed him more over there. You are a beast.”

(That’s me in the back left hand side)

True riches

A couple of you may recognize a version of this post from my other blog.

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We were finally able to get almost everybody together over Father’s Day weekend.

That’s a hard one to pull off, now that our kids have families of their own, and don’t live locally. I think the last time we were all together was Spring of 2019.

After Father’s Day weekend, daughter Rebekah shared the following on Facebook:

Then she added, “ I feel like this happens every time we get together LOL”

As a parent, I keep coming back to her words.

They give me joy.

I need to tell you a dirty little secret. I felt like I was flying by the seat of my pants during all most of those parenting years. Putting out fires, reaching out to older parents, Scrambling to find books that might hold the keys to the latest crisis we were dealing with. From the time we brought the first newborn home, until the last one left.

That season if my life is a blur.

Nonstop stress. (almost)

There is a 25 year block of my life, that is still very fuzzy.

I have very little memory of what movies were in the theater, or what TV shows were popular.

Anybody relate ?

If you’re there now, if something has you stumped as a parent, don’t give up. Reach out for help. Sometimes all it takes is someone to listen to you vent. I’ve been there dozens of times.

Dozens.

Our kids are now in their 30’s and 40’s, and they all get along. (Imagine that)

They all have a great sense of humor. They’re hard working, have great people skills, and are still in relationship with each other.

What more could a parent desire to see in their adult child after they leaves the nest?

Our adult children Father’s Day Weekend 2022

“How good and pleasant it is when brothers (and sisters) dwell together in unity…”

Coffee With Thomas

It has been years, since Thomas and I have taken the time to really catch up on each other’s lives. He worked for me a short time back in the early 1990’s. He’s a computer programmer by day. Engineering background. Grounded. Kind of quiet. Married. His kids are now either married or in college. Lots’ of water over the dam since we last connected, so I was looking forward to our visit. I decided to see if he could meet me for coffee @ a local coffee house yesterday morning.

Since we were going going to have an hour, maybe an hour and a half to connect, (and we both love deep conversations, ) I went armed with a couple of open ended questions. 😉 After 5 minutes of “What sort of plans do you have today?” I asked him what are his “go to” sources currently to stay informed and grounded?

Side note, both of us have friends, or relatives that have bought into things the past few years that from our vantage point are just crazy…so that was part of why I asked him what I did.

He rattled off 3 or 4 publications, most of which I am familiar with, and then referenced a quote by Russian novelist Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn from one of his sources…

Here’s that quote:

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, Siberian Gulag prisoner, offers this advice to the individual who feels helpless, in words hurriedly penned the day of his arrest on Feb. 12, 1974:

“The simplest and most accessible key to our self-neglected liberation lies right here: Personal non-participation in lies. … It is the easiest thing to do for us, but the most devastating for the lies. Because when people renounce lies it simply cuts short their existence. … Let us refuse to say that which we do not think.”

What follows is a partial list of things Solzhenitsyn suggests for the honest man:

“Will not henceforth write, sign, or print in any way a single phrase which in his opinion distorts the truth.”

“Will utter such a phrase neither in private conversation nor in the presence of many people, neither on his own behalf nor at the prompting of someone else, either in the role of agitator, teacher, educator, nor in a theatrical role.”

“Will not allow himself to be dragged to a meeting where there can be expected a forced or distorted discussion of a question. Will immediately walk out of a meeting, session, lecture, performance, or film if he hears a speaker tell lies or purvey ideological nonsense or shameless propaganda” (“Live Not by Lies”).

Here’s a link to the whole article if you’re interested

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I’m sure I could write a lot more on this topic, but I’m still marinating on how Solzhenitsyns’ words relate to my day to day life.

Heck, I can’t even keep up with all of the new words that are being created the past while.

Think globally, act locally. (Heard that recently) I think it applies.

Well, time to get moving. Thanks for stopping by! DM

Really curious

Since we are all in this together, (those of you that live in the United States especially), I am curious (really) if you have any thoughts, or concerns regarding a new Disinformation initiative by our federal government?

In case you haven’t heard, Nina Jankowicz has been appointed head The Department of Homeland Security’s Disinformation Governance Board as executive director.

What could possibly go wrong?